Whew!

What a relief, as the Yankees escaped last night with a 2-0 series lead over the Twins. I think Joe Girardi made a couple of questionable managerial decisions in the game (waiting too long to bring in Rivera, and letting Damaso Marte anywhere near the mound in the playoffs), but those were masked by the dramatic, clutch homers by Rodriguez in the 9th and Teixeira in the 11th.

A sweep sure would be nice. It would remind me of the kind of confidence I had in this team in the late 90s when they'd match up with Texas in the first round and I'd say, "Yeah, they'll take care of these chumps, no problem." In first rounds since, they've either had to sweat it out (Oakland 2001, Minnesota 2004), or were outright upset by a lesser team (Anaheim 2002, Anaheim 2005, Detroit 2006, Cleveland 2007).

Of course, the Angels concern me bigtime, as the Yanks can't seem to beat them even when they are the better team, and the Angels are leading Boston 2-0.

So maybe this newfound Yankee playoff confidence will be short-lived. But, that's what makes playoff baseball so exciting - as Czabe says, it's more random than a game of plinko.

The Admiral

It was almost easy to overlook this past weekend, but David Robinson was inducted to the Basketball Hall of Fame. A once in a generation player, someone who served his country, and a great person by all accounts I've seen or heard. Not many of his stardom level are so humble or generous, and he sets a perfect example of the kind of persona a sports superstar should display.

P.U.

Have you ever seen a worse haul of regional games than the following?

CBS, Early - Broncos at Bengals
FOX, Early - Cowboys at Buccaneers
FOX, Late - 49ers at Cardinals

Eh, who am I kidding, it's football and it's week 1. I'll probably watch at least one of these. Though my NFL Films DVD collection might really come in handy as the day wears on.

Cheapskates

The Pittsburgh Pirates have cliched their 17th consecutive losing season, setting a record that applies to all major sports. What rubs me the wrong way, is how Pirates' ownership continues to allow the Yankees, and perhaps the Red Sox, Cubs, and Mets as well (I wasn't able to find the official 2009 luxury tax threshold), to subsidize them, while they simply pocket the cash rather than spending it on their team. The Pirates have been "rebuilding" for 17 years now, and make no effort to put a good product on the field. The fans of Pittsburgh really deserve better than this - better than an ownership group that are essentially the welfare queens of sports. It's so blatant it's almost like they're flaunting it. "We're going to take this handout every year, and there's nothing you can do about it." The Marlins and Padres are also notoriously cheap, but at least they make a calculated run at the postseason every 10 years or so.

About a month ago I mentioned what should be done for the next NBA collective bargaining agreement. Here, I'll plead for both the abolition of the luxury tax (as clearly it isn't working - unless you consider making pennypinching owners who don't care about winning rich, working), and the institution of a salary floor. This won't be easy of course - it looks like a maximum of 4 teams pay the luxury tax, while the rest benefit, and most owners would agree to a team salary minimum.

2009 NFL Preview

Time again to roll out an NFL season preview! Here is how I did last season.

2009 Predicted NFL Standings

AFC EAST

New England 12-4
NY Jets 9-7
Miami 8-8
Buffalo 8-8

TOTAL: 37-27 (Last season: 38-26)

Tom Brady is back - and while New England is no longer allowed to cheat, they'll resume dominance of the division. Miami took a big jump last year, and whenever a team takes a meteoric, unexpected rise in one season, they fall back to earth the next. (I base this on absolutely no tangible data.) Mark Sanchez will throw less interceptions than Brett Favre for the Jets, but they still don't have a complete team to challenge for the title. Buffalo is better with Terrell Owens, who will behave himself, but they've got a long way to go as well.

AFC NORTH

Pittsburgh 11-5
Baltimore 10-6*
Cincinnati 6-10
Cleveland 5-11

TOTAL: 32-32 (Last season: 31-32-1)

The Steelers and Ravens will both be slightly down this year, but still leaps and bounds above the Bengals and Browns. On paper, there seems to be no reason the Steelers can't repeat. But, after their Super Bowl XL triumph they struggled a bit, and I think we could see the same thing in 2009.

AFC SOUTH

Tennessee 11-5
Indianapolis 10-6*
Jacksonville 8-8
Houston 7-9

TOTAL: 36-28 (Last season: 38-26)

The Jaguars are improved, but I still don't see them as reaching the level of the Titans or Colts. The Colts take a step backward without their coach and leader, Tony Dungy. But any team led by a healthy Peyton Manning has a pretty high "floor" for wins in a season. The Texans are nothing special besides Andre Johnson, but they will be competitive.

AFC WEST

San Diego 9-7
Denver 5-11
Kansas City 5-11
Oakland 3-13

TOTAL: 22-42 (Last season: 23-41)

I don't see much changing from last season here. San Diego will again win by default, over two teams in transition and a third that resembles the baker on Sesame Street falling down a flight of steps while carrying 10 chocolate cakes (the legendary Jim Henson - here's the video, watch the last 15 seconds, it's totally worth it.).

----------------------

NFC EAST

Dallas 11-5
NY Giants 11-5*
Philadelphia 11-5*
Washington 8-8

TOTAL: 41-23 (Last season: 38-25-1)

This should again be the best division in the NFL. And again the NFC East has been blessed with an easy "dance partner," cycling with the AFC West. (Last year they had the NFC West.) Other than Washington at San Diego in week 17, this could be clean 16 game sweep. But, you never know and that's what makes the NFL great; any team can beat any other team in one game. It's a cop-out that I'm not picking a clear division winner, I really can't decide...but I'm confident that the Giants, Cowboys, and Eagles will all make the playoffs, regardless of division winner.

NFC NORTH

Green Bay 11-5
Minnesota 9-7
Chicago 7-9
Detroit 4-12

TOTAL: 30-34 (Last season: 25-39)

The Packers quietly continue to build around Aaron Rodgers and will have a solid season. Adrian Peterson leads the NFL in rushing, but the Vikings are sabotaged by the Gunslinger. The Bears are mediocre, and the Lions, well...they can't get any worse than last year. This season they'll stumble into 4 wins and lose out on the first draft pick.

NFC SOUTH

New Orleans 11-5
Carolina 10-6
Atlanta 10-6
Tampa Bay 5-11

TOTAL: 36-28 (Last season: 40-24)

The Saints put on a show, but I don't see them doing anything in playoffs. Carolina is tough to stop on the ground, but Steve Smith may start to show his age. The Falcons become another example of a team that takes a big jump then regresses a bit the following season (again, based on no data). The Bucs continue their collapse from last season, when they lost their last four games.

NFC WEST

Arizona 7-9
Seattle 5-11
San Francisco 5-11
St. Louis 5-11

TOTAL: 22-42 (Last season: 22-42)

These teams went 10-30 outside this division last season and don't look any more palatable this season. So I'll give 7 wins to my projected NFC West winner, Arizona - 6 of which will come by getting 2 apiece against Seattle, San Francisco, and St. Louis. Last season before their improbable run to the Super Bowl, the Cardinals were 6-0 against the NFC West; but 3-7 against actual NFL teams. I believe an easy road to the playoffs is the best way to prepare for a deep postseason run, and the Cardinals will again have that luxury.

PLAYOFFS!???

Wild Card Round:
Steelers over Colts (Steelers still too physical for Colts, especially at home)
Ravens over Chargers
Giants over Saints
Cardinals over Eagles (A 7-9 team hosts a playoff game against an 11-5 team...the NFL still refuses to fix the seeding/home game awarding system. McNabb and Reid fail again, Vick era begins.)

Divisional Round:
Patriots over Steelers
Titans over Ravens
Packers over Cardinals
Giants over Cowboys (Romo still doesn't win a playoff game, even after a 1st round bye.)

Championship Round:
Titans over Patriots (Belichick drowns his sorrows by again stealing another man's wife.)
Packers over Giants (Lack of game breaking WR finally catches up to Giants.)

Super Bowl:
Titans over Packers (Jeff Fisher, currently the longest tenured and perhaps best coach in the league, finally wins a championship.)

*And one final disclaimer: Reason # 13,661 that the NFL is so awesome, is that the landscape changes so quickly, and week-to-week it is like looking into a kaleidoscope. So, I fully expect that by week 2, these picks will look as dated as bellbottoms, long sideburns, or the goatee.

Rex, what did I just say?

A mere two days ago, I posted this. (Yes I just linked to myself, but if you want you can scroll 2 inches down instead.)

From a Yahoo recap of the Giants-Jets preseason game...

How well did Mark Sanchez play in his second start? Well, he was so good that outspoken coach Rex Ryan may have had to borrow from someone else's material just to describe it.

"He is what we thought he was," Ryan said of Sanchez, perhaps riffing on former Arizona coach Denny Green's infamous rant after a loss to Chicago in 2006.

Sanchez went 13-for-20 for 149 yards and one touchdown in his second preseason start, and showed both arm strength and mobility on the scoring pass.

Sheesh, it's like nobody reads this blog at all. (Actually that's just about true.)

Some people never get the memo

When jokes are no longer cool, those who continue to use them, whether by ignorance or poor taste, run the risk of embarassment.

One example that comes to mind in recent history that I still see or hear people using in one way or another, is "Got ____?" (a parody of the "Got Milk?" ad campaign). Whenever I see a Chargers fan wearing a "Got Tomlinson?" t-shirt, for instance, I cry a little on the inside.

Another that has long outlived its welcome is the Mastercard formula: Item A, dollar amount. Item B, dollar amount. Item C, "Priceless." I saw one joke on the internet shortly after the turn of the century spoofing this formula, and I got a small chuckle out of it. But that was about it. If you're still using this mad-lib to make jokes about Michael Vick, Isaiah Thomas, Frank Stallone, or anyone/anything else in life, please stop.

In trying to come up with examples in sports where certain jokes have just been beaten into the ground, so far I can only think of one: People who, upon hearing a description of something, rush to quote Dennis Green's "They are who we thought they were" rant. Most of the time it doesn't even apply to the topic, and the person delivering the joke is practically dislocating his spinal cord trying to stretch for the reference.

(Oddly, I have not yet tired of people quoting Jim Mora, "Playoffs!?" or Allen Iverson, "We talkin' about practice," so do feel free to continue use of those...for now. They could prove to be timeless exceptions, but I may have to get back to you on that after 5 more years in heavy rotation for both quotes.)

I'd be happy to hear your examples of sayings or jokes, sports or non-sports, that are really tired yet continue to be used by a significant amount of people. I know I'm forgetting some good ones.

A Goode show is hard to find

You might recall I raved about The Goode Family when it first began. And after 13 solid episodes, it was just starting to fully hit its stride. But last week it was canceled. Speculation was that the move was made because of low ratings. ABC had started it out on Wednesday before moving it to Friday after 4 or 5 episodes, and when you move a show around, especially in its infancy, of course you're going to have a hard time building a steady viewership. And I don't know if they count internet viewings, as that's how I, along with an increasing number of people, watch many TV shows including this one. But they're ABC, and I never want to give too much credit to a network that has been irrelevant for so long. My guess is that they found themselves with one entertaining show in their lineup and didn't know how to handle it.

It was a brief but great run for The Goode Family. Mike Judge, thanks again for the laughs. And ABC, welcome back to irrelevance!

We hardly need to use our ears...How music changes through the years

I was forced to listen to one of the "soft rock" stations on XM the other day for a good couple hours. The following bands sound exactly the same to me:

Coldplay
The Fray
Jack Johnson
John Mayer
Five For Fighting

And those are just the band names I remembered, because they were already famous. Plenty of other, less popular groups also sounded indiscernible from these.

Is this the most homogenized time in history for music?

NBA's already thin credibility stretched even thinner

The last 2 NBA champions, the Celtics and Lakers, have been helped by lopsided deals that were so egregious, they would have been vetoed in any fantasy league. (Kevin Garnett for Al Jefferson and scrubs, and Pau Gasol for scrubs.) So far this offseason, we've seen arguably two more such deals, with Vince Carter and Shaquille O'Neal each traded for a garbage barge of bench warmers. For a league that already faces huge credibility problems, this is not good.

Unfortunately, there is really no solution until the NBA can rework the problem of guaranteed contracts. In the Gasol deal, Memphis's GM pretty much admitted that they did the deal because Kwame Brown was the biggest expiring contract they could find. The owners simply have got to fight to have players' contracts no longer guaranteed, even if they have to lock out the players again at the end of the current collective bargaining agreement. It would be disappointing even for fringe fans to see the league shut down for a while, but it would be better off in the long run. I am confident the owners would soundly defeat the players in a waiting game, because - if I can generalize a bit here - NBA players aren't quite known for managing their finances well, especially when their revenue stream is cut off even temporarily. (Hey, as Patrick Ewing famously said, they make a lot, but they spend a lot.)