Another example of life imitating South Park

There are three television shows throughout history that I feel life imitates pretty much on a daily basis: The Simpsons, Seinfeld, and South Park. Sure, they also happen to be my three favorite comedies ever, but at least in my world that's how it goes. Anyway, I saw yet another imitation this week that I thought would be fun to explore...

There was a South Park episode a few years back called "Stanley's Cup," in which Stan coaches a rag-tag Pee Wee hockey team. Stan's team appears to be the subject of a movie script...until the very end when they are crushed in the championship game by the other team, who had their own movie going all along, and got their happy ending. I probably couldn't have worded that any worse, but if you've seen the episode you know what I mean. (And if you didn't, it doesn't matter anyway right?)

Anyway, in real life the hockey movie appeared to be about the Phoenix Coyotes. They were an underdog story all season, overcoming low expectations, threats of moving out of town, and an indifferent home fan base. But they had a big season, and as my friend Luke pointed out, it had all the makings of a Hollywood script.

On Tuesday, the Coyotes were crushed by the Detroit Red Wings, 6-1, in the 7th and deciding game of the Western Conference Quarterfinals. This exhausts my knowledge of the game of hockey, but my knowledge of South Park is what's driving this thing anyway. So all along, unbeknownst to Coyotes fans, it turned out the movie was about the Red Wings. (Maybe that movie was about how the city of Detroit's economy is in trouble, or that it's just kind of a dump overall or something.)

And even more ironic was that in the South Park episode, the opponent in the championship game was portrayed as the actual, professional Detroit Red Wings. They outscored Stan's Pee Wee team 30-0 in the 3rd Period - my hockey knowledge tells me Stan's 5 year olds were just physically overmatched.

Ridiculously early 2010 NFL schedule "win-loss" game

What fun would the 2010 schedule's release be without predicting a team's finishing record 4 1/2 months before the first game is played?

Before I get to the Giants, I'd like to clear up a couple myths about the NFL schedule. I have a feeling the percentage of fans who believe these is small - maybe 15-20% of fans - but I've heard both just within the past couple days so for what it's worth, let's help a few people here and there...

Myth 1: "Team X will have a tough year because they're playing a 1st place schedule."

There was a time when the "first place schedule" was a lot more meaningful, but in today's 8-division, 32-team NFL, it's a matter of two games. Which brings me to...

Myth 2: "Oh, Jets vs. Steelers, they scheduled that because of the Santonio Holmes trade."

Not only do just two games vary due to finishing order in the 16-game NFL schedule, but the NFL has control over exactly none of them. Here is how a team's schedule is put together:

*6 Division games (2 against each of 3 in-division opponents).
*4 Out of division, conference games (1 against each of 4 "dance partners" in that other division...for example, this year everyone in the NFC East plays everyone in the NFC North. Rotates every 3 years.)
*4 Out of conference games (again, 1 against each of 4 "dance partners"...this year, the NFC East plays the AFC South. Rotates every 4 years.)
*2 based on division finishing order, vs. in-conference team who finished in the same spot. The Giants finished third in the NFC East last season, so they'll get the third place team from the NFC West (Seattle), and the third place team from the NFC South (Carolina)

And there's your 16 games, folks! If I had to bet, I'd say all of my 4 or 5 readers already knew that, in which case this part was a waste of time. In any event, on we go to the wacky, meaningless, premature predictions! I'm basing the picks on current rosters, pre-NFL draft.

2010 Giants Regular Season Schedule:

Sept. 12 CAROLINA - W
Sept. 19 at Indianapolis - L
Sept. 26 TENNESSEE - W
Oct. 3 CHICAGO - W
Oct. 10 at Houston - L
Oct. 17 DETROIT - W
Oct. 25 (Mon.) at Dallas - W
Oct. 31 BYE
Nov. 7 at Seattle - W
Nov. 14 DALLAS W
Nov. 21 at Philadelphia - L
Nov. 28 JACKSONVILLE - W
Dec. 5 WASHINGTON- W
Dec. 12 at Minnesota - L
Dec. 19 PHILADELPHIA - L
Dec. 26 at Green Bay - L
Jan. 2 at Washington - L

So I've got 9-7, with another late season collapse (this time based more on schedule difficulty, contrasted with ought-nine when it was due to completely giving up on tackling, covering, and in general, life). The NFC East will be challenging as always, so 3-3 in-division seems about right. The split with Washington is due to them being improved, the sweep of Dallas is due to owning them in recent years (and the fact that I really dislike Dallas), and being swept by the Eagles is due to the continual nightmare of seeing DeSean Jackson at least 10 yards behind any member of the Giants' inept secondary, now led by inept Antrel Rolle. Playing Seattle and Carolina will help matters (hooray for the third place schedule, ironic isn't it?), though drawing the NFC North and AFC South makes for a tough group of opponents, save for the Lions and Bears.

And lacking here were adjustments for something you see from just about every team in a given season: winning a couple games they should have lost, and losing a couple they should have won. Upsets will happen. I just don't know where, so I don't believe in picking them here, as I feel that would be like a referee making one bad call, then later another bad call against the other team to make up for the first bad call.

Now all that's left is to actually play the games.

On silly baseball superstitions

I've heard about some Yankees fans getting miffed at Joe Buck and Tim McCarver for "jinxing" C.C. Sabathia's no-hitter by mentioning it while it was still going on (before being broken up in the 8th inning). These people aren't serious, are they?

We all know it's not just Yankee fans who follow ridiculous superstitions like this, and not all Yankee fans think alike, just like no other fan base in any sport thinks alike. But still, I have to admit I'm embarrassed. I really hope those who complained were just trying to be cute, ironic, or pay some sort of homage to the game's silly, traditional past. And if they were just joking, well then, as our beloved FJM once said, "I've taken the bait, and it's delicious."

So, if any of these people were indeed serious in thinking announcers can somehow jinx what's happening on the field, I'll offer them this plea: Please stop it. You're making Yankee fans look bad, and you're making yourself look like some 17th century dumbass who would also believe that a sneeze means your spirit is trying to escape, and that left-handed people are evil, and that we need to set people on fire to find out if they're witches.

McNabb to Redskins, revisited

Thanks to some interesting comments by loyal readers and more time to contemplate the trade, I feel like I have enough to say to merit revisiting the McNabb trade topic.

Age-related joking aside, I do think this move makes the Redskins immediately better. A .500 record this year isn't too much to expect, and if they can get 2 or 3 healthy seasons out of him, they could make a deep playoff run in that 2nd or 3rd year.

From the Giants fan perspective, this trade worries me too. The Redskins won't be two "gimmie" wins as they had been in recent years. Yet the Eagles don't seem that much worse, and could continue to have the Giants' number. (In my nightmares I still see DeSean Jackson catching bombs 10 yards beyond any Giants' defender.) Meanwhile, the Giants' big move so far has been signing Antrel Rolle...though they already had plenty of guys in the secondary who can't cover or tackle. (Boom, roasted, Antrel.)

McNabb trade

You so rarely see a star player traded in-division, but the Eagles had to be okay with trading Donovan McNabb to Washington simply because the Redskins overpaid. I think the price of a 2nd round pick this year - which alone would have been enough, arguably more than enough - along with a 3rd or 4th next year, will prove to be too much. Especially for a Redskins team that isn't quite "one player away," and is getting a 33 year-old, high-mileage player.

And I'll close this post with a hilarious comment from the guys at Kissing Suzy Kolber..."Together with Willie Parker, the Skins are now officially a contender to reach the 2004 Super Bowl."

Farewell, Shawn!

For my fellow wrestling fans, Shawn Michaels retired from the WWE this week after about 25 years of amazing performances. What a treat it was to watch him, and as far as both mic skills and in-ring performance go, he may have been the best ever.