Time to retire this one

We could probably all name a ton of sayings we are tired of, and I certainly have my fair share. But one lately has vaulted to the top of the list for me, and needs to go, post haste. It's not just a saying, but a specific use of it with a punchline.

You know the thing where someone says, "If I had a nickel for every time X happened..." So far, it's okay. But then they follow up it with pretend thinking, and say "...I'd have a whole bunch of nickels!" (Just tell me you can't close your eyes and picture John Krasinski or Whitney Cummings saying that.) Like, I would have so many nickels I can't estimate an exact number, so I just say 'a whole bunch' and it's cute and endearing! Derp!

Yeah, that's got to stop. It's so used up, and so hacky, that stand-up comedians talking about air travel seems novel by comparison.

So it all comes down to this

Cowboys at Giants, Sunday night, for the NFC East title.

A Giants win makes this season of hair-pulling ups and downs all worthwhile.

A Giants loss would be a microcosm of the aforementioned hair-pulling Giants fans have been doing all year.

Just in the last two weeks, the Giants lost at home to the Redskins 23-10, looking like they didn't want to be on the field. They then silenced* Rex Ryan and the Jets, in a road game in the new Giants Stadium, 29-14.

(Technically not "silenced" because he kept talking after the game.)

Anyway, what to expect Sunday, besides the unexpected? Let's draw from what we learned over the first 15 games.

Going in the Giants' favor, is that this is a big game, and when they've come out fired up (or at least not completely flat), they've played well against good teams. Dallas is a good team.

Also going in the Giants' favor, they're playing Tony Romo in December. As much as the Giants have collapsed towards the end of the season the last 3 years, the Cowboys have done it just the same.

Going against the Giants however - it's at home. They're 3-4 at home this season, and the wins have come against Miami, Buffalo, and St. Louis. And two of the losses have come against Washington and Seattle. I'd almost rather they be on the road in a big game like this, especially in Dallas where they're 3-0 in that new stadium.

Also going against the Giants, this game has been flexed to prime time. This is more anectodal than factual, and like Peter King I give up on doing actual research that takes more than 2 minutes, but it seems the Giants save their worst performances for night games. (Though more so Monday nights than Sunday nights).

For the 2011 Giants, this was the only way the regular season could have ended all along: One game, with everything on the line. Somehow I have a sneaking suspicion it won't come easy.

Richard Lawson is streets behind

My friend Chris forwarded to me this blurb in The Atlantic Wire. It's just one paragraph, I hadn't yet talked about the benching and possible cancellation of my current favorite show Community, and as a bonus this crosses into the sports world definitely once and arguably twice:

Good grief. Community, a good show in danger of being canceled by NBC, has fans. Well, saying that Community has fans is sort of like saying the Red Sox have people who like to watch their games from time to time. Meaning, Community fans tend to err on the side of crazy. They are both evangelical and oddly protective of their beloved show and are thoroughly convinced that anyone who doesn't like it is some sort of evil simp. This is a wild generalization to be sure, but it's also totally true. So now, just when we thought they couldn't get more irksome, some Community fans have decided to hold one of modern's society's more annoying events: a flash mob. Yes, they'll be storming 30 Rockefeller Center, home of NBC, tomorrow to protest the show's jeopardized status. They'll be singing Christmas tunes and wearing fake beards and oh god just being so annoying. Sorry, guys. Community is a good show! But nothing merits a flash mob. Just absolutely nothing.

The stuff about flash mobs is mostly true - they are pretty annoying and nothing merits them. NBC executives certainly deserve worse treatment; just not a flash mob specifically. But two snippets merit further inspection...

Well, saying that Community has fans is sort of like saying the Red Sox have people who like to watch their games from time to time.

Here's a little secret that most of us sports fans know about our fellow sports fans across the country: We're all not so different. Red Sox fans are no more passionate than any other fan base. Oh, they sure think they are, so I tend to believe the piece's author, Richard Lawson, is himself a Red Sox fan, and was trying to throw in a, "You see, we Red Sox fans are soooo passionate you guys..." If he wanted to make a comparison to a fan base's uncommon passion in the face of heartbreak, he would have gone with Cubs or Vikings fans. But that's the thing about Red Sox fans - there's more narcissism, more "Woe is us" even after they won a couple titles, more "We care more than you," and especially more "If you are not from Boston you cannot possibly understand what it means to be a fan of sports."

They are both evangelical and oddly protective of their beloved show and are thoroughly convinced that anyone who doesn't like it is some sort of evil simp.

No, we just don't like NBC canceling a great show we love. I've always been fascinated by how often the likelihood of Person A calling Person B's behavior "odd," is the extend to which they disagree with it. It's just about the cheapest troll comment there is, and I could say that about anything; "What's the deal with this bizarre, oddly protective way people get about the Phoenix Suns?" If I don't like the Suns, I just marginalized their fans by saying their level of adoration is inconsistent with where I deem it should be. And that example doesn't even give the full effect, because with the Suns no one is TRYING TO TAKE THE TEAM AWAY and move it to Baltimore or something. Also, unlike Community - champions of Being Awesome - the Suns have zero championships in their 42 year history.

I fear I may have just crossed into troll territory myself with that last comment (no rings LOL U mad?), so I'll just end here. Save Community!

Two different teams

The headline this week could be a bit misleading.

What I'm not saying, is that the Giants seem to be two different teams: the one that shows up to beat teams like Dallas, New England, or almost beat Green Bay, when they came in as underdogs...and the one that loses to Seattle, the Eagles at home, or got embarrassed on a Monday night in New Orleans.

Nor am I saying Jason Pierre-Paul and most of the rest of the Giants' defense, belong on two different teams - or even, in two different leagues. Though that does often seem like the case.

It's yet a third description: Over the past three games, it's as if the Giants' offense, and the Giants defense, are two different teams, playing against each other. The offense has got to score enough to overcome the defense's ineptitude. Against the Cowboys, this formula worked. Against Green Bay, it almost did but fell just short. Against the Saints, it wasn't even close. This week, a lot of the focus is on the repeated problem of blown coverages.

And looking at the front seven again, I just haven't seen any imagination from Perry Fewell in the way of blitzes - or more specifically, disguising them - all year. I realize not everyone is Dick LeBeau. And many might point out that all the injuries have limited what Fewell can do. However, to that I would say, that creates even more need to be creative and deceptive. And that's when he blitzes at all, which has been rare this season. He finally blitzed when he brought 7 or 8 on that Dallas 3rd down with just over two minutes remaining, when Tony Romo overthrew a wide open Miles Austin, who had torched Aaron Ross in single coverage. The Giants really dodged a bullet there. I did still like the blitz call, though I don't quite understand why he can't just bring one extra guy for the blitz; why do they have to rush either 3 or 4, or 7 or 8...and nothing in between? Like most things in life, the sweet spot is in moderation. Bring the front four plus Kiwanuka (a great pass rusher playing linebacker) sometimes. The opposing QB won't have forever to throw (unless Pierre-Paul beats a double team) and you'll still have 6 in coverage.

It's not all gloom this week, of course. Pierre-Paul is force. Eli Manning is truly a great quarterback, and the Giants are never out of a game with him under center. (Or with him in the shotgun, with inconsistent snaps from otherwise solid Kevin Boothe.)

Speaking of the offensive line, whenever starting center and big money free agent signing David Baas is healthy, I'd like him to stay on the bench - the combination of Boothe at center, Mitch Petrus at guard, and David Diehl at tackle on the left side, has really sparked the run game, which had flat out stunk until two weeks ago when this change was made.

And to take a step back...what a game. One for the ages, and the Giants have bought themselves three extra weeks to get their act together on defense so they could actually make some noise in the playoffs if they can get there. Next up, a Redskins team that has nothing to play for, but is still playing hard. On paper this should finally be a game the Giants win big. But I know better than to expect that. And John Mara said it best: “It’d be nice to have an easy one, but I don’t think that’s in our DNA.”

Same movie, different week

I've really run out of creative ways to say "this Giants team drives me crazy." Instead I'm just going to shoot from the hip.

I am sick of trying to put positive spins on losses that should have been wins. I couldn't care less that the Giants "hung in there" against an undefeated team. There are no moral victories. You need to actually win the game.

For an undefeated team, the Packers weren't very impressive to me. They dropped a lot of passes. They got a gift TD when Greg Jennings never had possession of the ball in the end zone before Prince Amukamara knocked it away. They got another gift when a 4th and 20 was turned into a 1st down on a ticky-tack illegal contact penalty on Jacquian Williams. I realize that "fan of the losing team whining about referee calls" is just about as low as it gets, and I try never to be that guy...but if you get one "Referees blew the game" challenge flag per season, I'm using it here. A few friends and I like to joke that touching Tom Brady is a penalty...apparently "being a rookie against the beloved Green Bay offense" is also going to cost you dearly.

Nonetheless, this was another game lost by the coordinators. And it will never change. Coughlin, who I still believe to be a good coach, is too loyal to these morons and won't fire them.

Tom Quinn's special teams. If the Giants got one explosive play from special teams, just one, it would be a miracle.

Kevin Gilbride's offense. I've seen a lot worse from ol' Killdrive, and for the most part I liked what he did today. But the 3rd and 8 quick screen attempt to D.J. Ware was a joke. And he got lucky on the shotgun draw working for the 2-point conversion. That was the first time that play worked all year.

Perry Fewell's defense. I think I could call a better defense on my Madden video game. You know why I think that? Because I CAN CALL A BETTER DEFENSE ON MY MADDEN VIDEO GAME. Fewell calls an awful game, but oh can he talk tough during the week! What a great approach it is to talk tough during the week, hoping to distract from the fact that you suck at your job and not get fired. I don't know how many more times Fewell can possibly call his stupid 3 or 4 man rush, with a soft zone behind it, on 3rd and long, only to watch the QB have forever to throw, and find someone wide open beyond the sticks. It's more predictable than a punchline on the NBC sitcom, "Whitney." Oh, you don't watch Whitney? That's okay, neither does anyone. But it's staying on the winter schedule yet Community is going away. Maybe NBC is run by Perry Fewell too.

I'm also sick of the injuries. Injuries are part of the game, but why are the Giants among the most injured teams every single year? At some point they should take a look at the strength and conditioning coaches. And the field turf in the new Giants Stadium (I don't care if it's called the "New Meadowlands," I've made my choice) is no excuse. The Jets play on the same field and don't have nearly the same amount of injuries the Giants do.

And you know what the worst part is? I can't do the logical thing and simply admit what's staring me in the face, that this 6-6 team simply isn't very good. I'll be furious over this loss until about Wednesday...then the rest of the week I'll be deluding myself with playoff scenarios, and how they just need to manage to beat Dallas twice and they're champions of a mediocre NFC East. Beat Dallas twice? This team can't beat anyone right now.