Soccer jihadists, we're telling you for the last time...

First, a disclaimer. I don't require people to agree with me, but my plea is always that they argue fairly and within the bounds of logic. And when encountering someone who is genuinely misguided, it is important to respond fairly and logically, even if their position is mind-blowingly idiotic and they're not arguing fairly themselves. Just calling someone stupid won't convince them of anything. Therefore, there is value in practicing how to respond to a bad argument. With that said...

I came across this Youtube video via Uproxx: If George Carlin's Baseball and Football was a 75-yard touchdown pass, then this weak offering by John Cleese about football and soccer is a feeble Monty Burns throw that lands right at his feet as he lets out a lifeless, "feh." Among the cutesy, yet strangely disdain-soaked arguments made:

*Football has breaks in action so TV can have commercials - even though football was invented like 50 years BEFORE TELEVISION.

*Soccer is "creative" (always the go-to saying of the soccer jihadist), like jazz music. (You know, the kind of jazz music where you get grazed in the chest and flop like you've been shot in the head.)

*Coaches call plays. Therefore football players don't use their brains at all. (Interesting. Do you think strategy and playcalling makes for a better quality game, or worse? Would it be better to send the players out to the field with no plan whatsoever? "Alright men, just go out there and be creative.")

*Generic "Dick Cheney is bad" joke. (Even Jay Leno thinks Cheney jokes are tired. "Ehhhh, Monica Lewinsky in the news again...")

I'm not going to blame Cleese fully because maybe he was told to say everything as part of this show, but come on. Other than the name being "foot-ball" he's got nothing. And even then, his beef is with whoever named it in the late 19th century. I wouldn't have chosen "football" myself, but in fairness to the founders, when the game was invented field goals were worth more points than touchdowns so there was more emphasis on kicking than there is today. And near as I can tell, the title came from when the split was made between "association football" (note the "s-o-c" in association), and "rugby football," which was shortened to just "football."

Worst of all, it's supposed to be funny but just isn't. I'd gladly shrug off all the vertebrae-breaking reaches if there were some laughs involved.

The World Cup gives soccer the stage every 4 years to show us just how lame and boring it really is. The reason Americans don't like soccer is that we simply invented better sports.

It's funny how football fans are secure enough to not have to entertain comparisons between the two sports; yet so often we see soccer fans going out of their way to tell us how much better soccer is than American tackle football. As Shakespeare once wrote, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

So please, for the last time soccer fans, enjoy your World Cup but try to tone down the inferiority complex - it's unbecoming. Only 32 days until camps open...