Step right up!

Hi folks, the good people at BallCo here, and we'd like to tell you about our exciting new product, "Play Against The New York Giants!"

Are you tired of your NFL team losing? Does your pedestrian Quarterback need a boost of confidence? Is your dream team criticized for having no heart?

"Play Against The New York Giants" is your one stop cure for everything that ails your team. Just listen to some of our satisfied customers!

Testimonial #1 - Hi, I'm Rex Grossman. I am hated by Bears and Redskins fans alike for my maddeningly erratic play. But I tried "Play Against The New York Giants" and went 21-34 with 305 yards, 2 TDs, 0 INTs, and a 110.5 QB rating, good for the best game of my career. Thanks, BallCo! (Gives camera thumbs-up.)

Testimonial #2 - My name is Alex Smith, and I had spent the first half of the season being called a "Game Manager" and being compared to Trent Dilfer. Then I tried "Play Against The New York Giants" and was made to look like Steve Young. I mean, they didn't even guard Vernon Davis, how great is this! (Smiling thumbs-up.)

Testimonial #3 - Hello, I'm Charlie Whitehurst. I'll be out of the league within two years, but I tried "Play Against The New York Giants" and was made to look like...(tries to think of great Seahawks QB)...Steve Young. 11-19, 149 yards, and a TD pass in a nice win...and that was in one half of football filling in for an injured Tavaris Jackson. I would not hesitate to try your product again, BallCo! (Smiling double thumbs-up.)

Testimonial #4 - What's up, I'm Vince Young. You may remember me from such incidents as nightclub fights with my shirt off, disappearing for a few days, and getting run off the Tennessee Titans. But "Play Against The New York Giants" turned my career around. On one 4th quarter drive, they let me go 6-for-6 on 3rd down conversions. I'd never gone 6-for-6 in anything in my life before that! And my team's laundry staff especially appreciated "Play Against The New York Giants" because my uniform had no grass stains on it, and I didn't break a sweat the whole game. They can just put my jersey right back in my locker. (Jumps up into air with one fist high above, freeze-framed.)

Order within the next 22 minutes and we'll even throw in two free gifts!

*Our defensive megaboost. If your defense has given up an average of 120 yards on the ground per game, and can't seem to stop anyone, just take one "Play Against The New York Giants" and watch 260 lb. Brandon Jacobs continually get stuffed on draw plays. Just 29 net rushing yards guaranteed - that's right, 29!

*Our special teams package, where we punt a low line drive to your elite return man, and allow him to run down the field in comfort and luxury, with a nice, wide open lane. (Giants not responsible for returner stepping out of bounds with only the punter left to beat.)

That's "Play Against The New York Giants!" Call now...spots are filling up fast, and this coaching staff won't be around much longer.

Fast-talking fine print voice: Offer not valid in New England.