Some people never get the memo

When jokes are no longer cool, those who continue to use them, whether by ignorance or poor taste, run the risk of embarassment.

One example that comes to mind in recent history that I still see or hear people using in one way or another, is "Got ____?" (a parody of the "Got Milk?" ad campaign). Whenever I see a Chargers fan wearing a "Got Tomlinson?" t-shirt, for instance, I cry a little on the inside.

Another that has long outlived its welcome is the Mastercard formula: Item A, dollar amount. Item B, dollar amount. Item C, "Priceless." I saw one joke on the internet shortly after the turn of the century spoofing this formula, and I got a small chuckle out of it. But that was about it. If you're still using this mad-lib to make jokes about Michael Vick, Isaiah Thomas, Frank Stallone, or anyone/anything else in life, please stop.

In trying to come up with examples in sports where certain jokes have just been beaten into the ground, so far I can only think of one: People who, upon hearing a description of something, rush to quote Dennis Green's "They are who we thought they were" rant. Most of the time it doesn't even apply to the topic, and the person delivering the joke is practically dislocating his spinal cord trying to stretch for the reference.

(Oddly, I have not yet tired of people quoting Jim Mora, "Playoffs!?" or Allen Iverson, "We talkin' about practice," so do feel free to continue use of those...for now. They could prove to be timeless exceptions, but I may have to get back to you on that after 5 more years in heavy rotation for both quotes.)

I'd be happy to hear your examples of sayings or jokes, sports or non-sports, that are really tired yet continue to be used by a significant amount of people. I know I'm forgetting some good ones.

A Goode show is hard to find

You might recall I raved about The Goode Family when it first began. And after 13 solid episodes, it was just starting to fully hit its stride. But last week it was canceled. Speculation was that the move was made because of low ratings. ABC had started it out on Wednesday before moving it to Friday after 4 or 5 episodes, and when you move a show around, especially in its infancy, of course you're going to have a hard time building a steady viewership. And I don't know if they count internet viewings, as that's how I, along with an increasing number of people, watch many TV shows including this one. But they're ABC, and I never want to give too much credit to a network that has been irrelevant for so long. My guess is that they found themselves with one entertaining show in their lineup and didn't know how to handle it.

It was a brief but great run for The Goode Family. Mike Judge, thanks again for the laughs. And ABC, welcome back to irrelevance!

We hardly need to use our ears...How music changes through the years

I was forced to listen to one of the "soft rock" stations on XM the other day for a good couple hours. The following bands sound exactly the same to me:

Coldplay
The Fray
Jack Johnson
John Mayer
Five For Fighting

And those are just the band names I remembered, because they were already famous. Plenty of other, less popular groups also sounded indiscernible from these.

Is this the most homogenized time in history for music?

NBA's already thin credibility stretched even thinner

The last 2 NBA champions, the Celtics and Lakers, have been helped by lopsided deals that were so egregious, they would have been vetoed in any fantasy league. (Kevin Garnett for Al Jefferson and scrubs, and Pau Gasol for scrubs.) So far this offseason, we've seen arguably two more such deals, with Vince Carter and Shaquille O'Neal each traded for a garbage barge of bench warmers. For a league that already faces huge credibility problems, this is not good.

Unfortunately, there is really no solution until the NBA can rework the problem of guaranteed contracts. In the Gasol deal, Memphis's GM pretty much admitted that they did the deal because Kwame Brown was the biggest expiring contract they could find. The owners simply have got to fight to have players' contracts no longer guaranteed, even if they have to lock out the players again at the end of the current collective bargaining agreement. It would be disappointing even for fringe fans to see the league shut down for a while, but it would be better off in the long run. I am confident the owners would soundly defeat the players in a waiting game, because - if I can generalize a bit here - NBA players aren't quite known for managing their finances well, especially when their revenue stream is cut off even temporarily. (Hey, as Patrick Ewing famously said, they make a lot, but they spend a lot.)

This isn't news, but here you go anyway

The subject of one of the most annoying (and kinda racist) ad campaigns of all time, the Taco Bell Chihuahua, has died at age 15. Godspeed, Gidget!

Argument Ender

As of yesterday, 59 year-old Tom Watson was leading the British Open, and Tiger Woods failed to make the cut. I think this safely puts to bed the discussion of whether golfers are athletes, and for that matter, whether Woods deserves "super athlete" status.

Similar to how Barry Bonds put it after passing Babe Ruth...y'all can't talk about Tiger Woods anymore.

And Hamilton doesn't even have the Chinese following of Yao Ming...

Josh Hamilton, TEX: .298 OBP, .428 SLG, 6 HR, 24 RBI (152 AB), voted to start all-star game.
Alex Rodriguez, NYY: .411 OBP, .548 SLG, 17 HR, 50 RBI (199 AB), not voted into all-star game.

Now, I'm no fool...I know all-star voting is not based solely on statistics. But apparently it's way better to have done cocaine than steroids.

Sometimes, you just don't get to gloat, revisited

About a month and a half ago I wrote this post, (yes I just linked to myself) taking a moment to mock the David Beckham soccer explosion that never happened. I thought I was the only one who remembered, but today I realized I'm not alone. Author Grant Wahl has written a book called The Beckham Experiement, detailing the failed venture. One of the most interesting bits from the book, which I heard Wahl say in an interview with WTEM 980's Andy Pollin and Steve Czaban, was how Beckham's contract was not $250 million as was reported, but about $33 million. A nice heap of money still, but not quite what we thought. (The $250 million number was invented by Beckham's publicity team.)

Oh, and Victoria Beckham becoming a star in America didn't quite happen either.

They're as good as money

Regarding the state of California giving "I.O.U.'s" to people because they are broke - Is anyone else reminded of Dumb and Dumber, when Lloyd and Harry spent all the money in the suitcase, but made it all right by filling it up with I.O.U's?

It would be nice to have that kind of job security

I am convinced that in these down economic times, the best way to feel safe in your job is to be way overqualified, and way underpaid, for your current position, to the point that it would be downright foolish for your company to let you go. Now that's job security!

PS: If my employers are reading this post, I'm definitely not talking about me.